Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
