So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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