Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is it penis luge time yet?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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