If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
