i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
