In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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