Don't make out with my wife yet
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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