thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
