i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
