I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
