I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
