we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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