I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
