alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize