I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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