and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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