Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
