dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Holy shit dude........stairs
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
