i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
