So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
