google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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