My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
