It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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