grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
