i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
