By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
