I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
