i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
