i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
