Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
