Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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