think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
