What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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