Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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