i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
