Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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