I hate all girls vehemently.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
