Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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