I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm always down for nudity.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
