Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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