woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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