Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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