By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
