At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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