just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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