i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
