I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize