If i come over, it means nothing
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
