Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
