I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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