they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
