$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
