so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
