some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
the liver wants what the liver wants
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
