You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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