was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
