I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
