I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
don't judge my taste in strippers
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
