No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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