My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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