Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
