im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
