I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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