i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
