I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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