when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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