Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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