You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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