John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
