For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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