remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
