tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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