I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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