She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
