She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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