it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
