oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
