Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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