I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
