Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
