Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
