we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You ruined the universe
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
